So, about that wedding in Paducah.

Boy was that a blast. Jon and Jenna set up a photobooth. Funnest. Wedding. Idea. Ever.

Por ejemplo:

• The apprentices fly by night as a group of supervillains.
• Tiffany and Richard’s seemingly beautiful partnership hides deeper trouble.
• I turn red when I dance.
• Check if your dad is watching before you squeeze your friend’s boob.
• No really, Richard: Deep troubles.
• I missed the instruction to “just smile nice”.
• Some photos are just plain cool and don’t need a reason to be linked other than that.
• Some photos are beyond captions.

Of course I took a few photos of my own. I’m no Jon, I’m no Jenna, and my camera is strictly point, shoot, and pray. But hey, here they are anyway.

Beth, Justin: thank you for a great weekend.

P.S.: You are going to have the most beautiful kids on the planet.

Since my last post I’ve:

• Gone to Las Vegas (for the first time) on a business trip
• Gone to New York (for the second time) on a business trip
• Gone to Martha’s Vineyard (for the second time) on vacation
• Gone to Paducah Kentucky (for the first time) for a wedding

There’s probably a blog post to be found in all that material, but I’m still scrambling to catch up. So instead, I’ll leave you with this little gem:

Baltimore “It Builds Character!” Story #347

Elizabeth and I run a lot in our Baltimore neighborhood. We have noticed dozens of colored plastic caps littering the ground on the sidewalk and in the park, but their origin was a mystery. Red, blue, green, black, purple… Elizabeth, a nurse-in-training, knew they were too short to be syringe caps. They didn’t match the color schemes of IV equipment—and it wouldn’t make sense to find IV detritus all over the park anyway. But what?

On a whim we turned to Google image search. Our first guess hit paydirt.

P.S.: On that first page of images, there was even one specifically about home-sweet-home!

I started my own company back in 2006. The company, Figure 53, LLC, has been a labor of love since long before it was officially formed. Scraping together a few hours each night, and cramming 20 hours into the weekends, I slowly managed to make a product and…holy hell…even managed to sell a few copies. Designers started using it around the world, from high school productions to, most recently, the highly anticipated Broadway revival of South Pacific at Lincoln Center. In short, it’s been a hell of a ride. A ride that has brought me to today.

I’d like to introduce you to Figure 53’s first full-time employee:

Me.

Starting today, starting right now, I finally have the distinct delight and tremendous advantage of focusing entirely on working for my own company. Full time.

I can barely express how excited I am about this. But in all my excitement, I couldn’t spill the beans before today. Which meant I had to bite my blogging tongue when the following bit of awesomeness occurred:

Last Wednesday an unmarked package arrived in the mail. Inside was found the T-shirt you see below. No name. Black on black.

(You can see our model is gazing fiercely at the future, ready to strike stunning deals on international conference calls, followed by rewarding himself with extra vacation and a mid-afternoon nap.)

I eventually smoked out the responsible party: Jesse Kriss. Thanks buddy. It made my day.

Okay, enough politics, it’s just depressing.

Next on the TODO list: The Fish Palace.

Like the hamster palace, but with fish. You know, the hamster palace. That thing you dreamed of building when you were 9. The thing where you were gonna go to the pet shop and buy about 1200 feet of plastic hamster tubing and 5 fish tanks, and drill holes in the living room wall and connect it all together into a mind-boggling interconnected hamster den of the gods that any sensible hamster would have given its tail to call home. One tank would be installed next to your bed and one would be down by the table so when you woke up that little guy could race through the tubes, down the zig-zag portion on the stairs, through the hall wall, scurry through the tube running along the ceiling of the kitchen, and slide down to the tank next to your chair.

So, like that. But with fish. Glowing tubes of water intersecting your house at artfully chosen angles. Full of brightly colored little fishes.

Of course, I don’t really want to have fish. So maybe this isn’t so much a TODO as a TOSEE.

Last week NPR aired a brief interview with Hillary Clinton.

This interview made me furious.

Here’s the thing: I used to be happy about the possibility of voting for either Hillary Clinton or Barack Obama. In January and early February, I listened to her in the debates and thought: “You know? Either way this goes, I’m thrilled.”

But then Obama racked up a commanding lead in delegates, states, and the popular vote, and the Clinton campaign got desperate. Desperate because Clinton would need 62% of the vote (it’s now increased to 64%) in every remaining contest to overcome Obama’s lead. And in their desperation, they shamelessly flipped the fear-monger switch.

Thanks Hillary. That’s what we need right now. More blind, mindless fear.

It stayed down in the gutter after that, and I was rapidly losing patience. When I heard this interview, I lost it completely.

Excerpts of breathtaking political double-talk follow, along with my reaction¹ in the car while driving to work that day. I think I transcribed it accurately, but there may be mistakes.

So, when you say “No” here, what you actually mean is “Yes”.

Wait, I have to butt in here. Are we mixing apples and oranges here? Really? Could you point out what is the apple and what is the orange? Or is this just a generic, completely inappropriate rhetorical technique to vaguely insert the general notion that the fairly obvious point Inskeep has raised is somehow illogical?

Are you kidding me? Who do you think you’re kidding here? You offered him the V.P. position. Stop treating me like an idiot.

Let’s take a look at what you said then:

“I think that I have a lifetime of experience that I will bring to the White House. I know Senator McCain has a lifetime of experience to the White House. And Senator Obama has a speech he gave in 2002.”
— http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2008/03/04/clinton-mccain-has-more-_n_89758.html

Yes, I see that you did not use the word “qualified”.

And if you think that statement has any other interpretation than “Obama is not as qualified as me or McCain”, you’re a moron. While you apparently think I am a moron, I do not share the same opinion of you. Which leaves the equally unappealing conclusion that you’re the standard political word weasel.

I. AM SO. TIRED. OF BEING TREATED. LIKE AN IDIOT.

My willingness to give you the benefit of the doubt on this one has degraded substantially at this point.

And while I’m at it, shut up about experience already. I’m tired of hearing that Obama has no experience. And I’m tired of it being your number one argument. ‘Cause you know what? Experience counts, but it’s not everything. Or…oh horror…could it possibly be that experience might not even count at all?

…wait, what? I thought this was a simple yes or no question…

Translation: Nice try, please answer my question.

And, as Inskeep mentioned, statistically it is extremely improbable that you will gain the delegate lead by the end of the contests. So this is a pretty reasonable question to answer now.

Translation: Um, again, please answer the damn question.

Right. Because who could possibly imagine a charismatic, effective communicator winning more than a tiny majority of delegates in a general presidential election?

…

(Chris pauses for a moment to take a few deep breaths.)

…

Look, if Hillary gets the nomination, I’ll vote for her. As Chris Johnson reminded me,

1. John Paul Stevens turns 88 next month
2. Ruth Bader Ginsburg just turned 75

But dammit, Mrs. Clinton, just…STOP!

1 - What? So I think in hyperlinks, is that weird?

An idea I don’t have time to pursue right now:

The new iPhone SDK, which gives developers access to the accelerometer, should make it easy to write up a little iPhone pedometer application.

Just tell the app your stride length, turn it on, slide the iPhone in your pocket, and away you go. A friendly display can show your number of steps, approximate distance traveled, a reset button, a history log, and a picture of a puppy. Because who doesn’t love adorable puppies?

Edited to add: Nevermind. Rogue Amoeba reports:

… the SDK agreement expressly forbids using non-public APIs, attempting to touch other applications, and running in the background, among other things.

No running in the background makes a pedometer useless.

Lawyers and software. What a great combination.

My nose desperately wants to protect me. Somewhere in my brain, a half dozen nerve cells flicker in appreciation for its dedication.

The rest of my brain would give anything to turn down its services between the hours of 2 and 7 AM.

Look, nose, I’ll cut you a deal. I’ve got a plane to catch in seven hours. I know, my bad, I didn’t re-stock on NyQuil. But you’re killing me with kindness here. I really think this cold is mostly beat. You turn off the spigot now, and I’ll treat you to Biore strips or something. Do they still sell those? Yes? I’ll buy you a month’s supply. No? Look, I’ll do anything. Name your price. All I want is a respectable seven hours of solid recharging. Baltimore smog be damned.

Because there definitely wasn’t room to spell my whole name.

What, too many political entries lately? Please forgive me. I’m from Kentucky. My presidential vote has never mattered before. Tomorrow I actually get to count, and it feels good.

If pop stars singing a stump speech isn’t…substantive enough for you (sheesh, you people with your “standards” and “analytical minds”), then maybe some details are in order.

Back in 2006, hilzoy at Obsidian Wings wrote a detailed article discussing Obama’s record. He She writes:

…But I do follow legislation, at least on some issues, and I have been surprised by how often Senator Obama turns up, sponsoring or co-sponsoring really good legislation on some topic that isn’t wildly sexy, but does matter. His bills tend to have the following features: they are good and thoughtful bills that try to solve real problems; they are in general not terribly flashy; and they tend to focus on achieving solutions acceptable to all concerned, not by compromising on principle, but by genuinely trying to craft a solution that everyone can get behind.

— http://obsidianwings.blogs.com/obsidian_wings/2006/10/barack_obama.html

Give it a read. It’s got some good meat. The guy can get stuff done. See also this Washington Post article discussing his “heart and soul” bill in Illinois, and this New York Times graphic providing a handy summary for what the guy has worked on in the past.

And finally, if you’re not in the reading mood, why not let Lawrence Lessig make his case to you. He made a whole presentation for you! It’s easy! It’s hip! It’s full of geek references! I don’t agree with everything he says in this presentation, but it’s well organized, engaging, and he makes some compelling points.

Happy Votin’, Maryland!